It seems to me that there are different forms of stress. One seems to be when life, circumstances and your job take control of you. I was on call 24/7 for twenty-one years. I never knew when I was going to be called to work or be on the phone at un-Godly hour. I want to make it clear it was my own fault. In other words, I was the willing donkey.

Now I realise I should have put down boundaries to keep work life and family life separate. A wise old man told me that hard work will never kill you, but stress will! This is so true.

My stress and my way of life nearly took me out.

Then there is another kind of stress where it is controlled, where it is manageable. Work is kept in its place. Where your life and job are balanced. What can I say? Did stress cause my stroke?

MAYBE!

Just using and thinking about this word ‘maybe’ has given me insight into my behaviour and it has helped me enormously to step out. Acknowledging that I could have caused my own stroke also gave me courage to try and fix it.

There is a whole new world of things to do other than work as we know it. I finally realised that I had to get myself ordered and organised. This realisation filled me with hope, confidence, and optimism. I started to feel mentally stronger. I aimed to do things to keep track of my plans. Things that I’ve never ever done before. I aimed for mental stimulation.

This planning, this aiming in itself was very therapeutic. I was now not aiming with an old shot gun in the hope of hitting things but not very well. I was feeling that I was aiming like a sniper in achieving my goals.

My targets were:

1. Don’t rush but enjoy.
2. If it doesn’t happen today, it can be done tomorrow.
3. Live in the moment, one day at a time and don’t live in the future too much as it may not happen.
4. Worry, if you want, but don’t worry about what is far beyond you.
5. Have a daily list of things to do no matter how small,
6. Aim to complete the list, if it’s not finished, follow up the next day. As things are ticked off and finalised, there is a wonderful feeling of achievement. Quite simple pastimes can give a feeling of enormous success.
7. The last thing is to be brutally honest with yourself. This is what has worked for me.

Currency Trading

In my previous life I had seen an advertisement about currency trading. I really didn’t understand it, but it sounded interesting. I looked into it and found a video introduction to tell me what it was about. I could relate to the trainer, as he was an Australian, and was clear and concise. This really excited me. I decided to go for it and was mentored by a professional group. At first, all of this was mind boggling as mathematical skills had been wiped from my brain. It was good because I was hoping that it was something like a new chapter beginning and a complete change from my old life.

At first it was like trying to drink from a fire hydrant, masses of information, but I love it and it challenged me. So far, I’m still trading on the practice trading platform but soon I’ll get myself a broker and then I’ll be set.

Currency trading is where you understand all the indicators of the world markets. When you have done everything, you can, you wait for reward or loss. It reminds me of professional fishing. The hunt of the catch correlates with the hunt of the reward. There’s the fear and the excitement of the unknown after you have done everything you possibly can. Reward and risk are part of me.

Trading can be very intense at times, and it feels like my brain is overheating. I believe the spin off for me has been wonderful. I would rather do something worthwhile that may turn into a career with the chance I can earn a small wage. This way I am being positive and following my own ideas and closing the door on negative and backward thoughts.

It upgrades my mathematical ability. I have to learn about percentages and points – these are new things for the stroke survivor to learn again. I’m stretching my brain. Mind you I have to go through cocking it up numerous times and still do – but not so much these days. My concentration has improved.

I am now nearly able to successfully work in a normal environment. Before, everything had to be deadly quiet so that I could hear myself think. Now I can cope with a radio in the background. The daily commitment of Trading gives me structure, focus and discipline. I have to make choices and act on them.

Cultivate Your Inner Garden

Luckily, where I live, I have plenty of room to have a garden. This is very therapeutic. Being outdoors with my hands in the dirt is enjoyable. Watching things grow and even pulling out weeds is relaxing, I don’t have to think, it gives my brain a rest. I have grown cucumbers, cabbages, radishes, tomatoes, and various other vegetables. Nothing is so good as a home-grown tomato!

It is especially rewarding to be able to share what I have produced even though the bugs and diseases, have sometimes been a disaster. Day to day watching things grow is such an easy thing to do.

A bee

One day I sat and watched a bee moving from flower to flower. I was totally amazed. It was a most simple pleasure following the bee picking up pollen. I was getting free enjoyment from a very uncomplicated action.

I realised how complex my life had been. This was a lesson in being calm, carefree and at peace.

Rowing twice a Day

The rowing machine at Fiona Stanley Hospital was challenging. My stroke-affected leg and arm wouldn’t work so well then. Every time I rowed; the machine calculated my progress. Improvement was a great motivator.

I decided then to buy the exact model of this rowing machine.

Twice a day I row. I close my eyes and I let my mind be anywhere.

Once I get over the initial mental and physical pain barriers, it’s blissfully meditative. There’s no time for depressing thoughts. In fact, the funny thing is, while I’m straining away with my mind out of gear, my head becomes filled with sayings. They seem to me to be great truths and not so great truths. Wise words and not so wise words. One that sticks in my mind, that I think of often and is good for me is ‘the fewer complications in life the better life becomes’.

Of course, my rower is a stationary machine I don’t have to row back or get wet. After I’ve rowed for half an hour my head is cleared. My body is loosened and it’s a good start to the day. When I don’t row, something is missing from my day.

Online Courses

Online there are myriad courses to be had. There are things to learn, and opportunities and interesting things to do from home. I have found engaging and legitimate ideas, whereby mentoring and training can be done at your own pace. Things that I have chosen are very different from my life as a fleet master. I am enjoying re-skilling myself and working towards being involved at a professional level. It seems that, to be a whole person, I need to be physically and mentally active.

• Udemy Online (short courses as cheap as A$12 on special)
• Domestika (craft courses on Drawing, Writing, releasing the inner artist)

As luck would have it a friend of a friend needed help with her garden. I offered and so I made my debut as a minor handy man. Other serious repair people don’t want to be bothered with little jobs. As I am really an off the radar man, I am happy to oblige with the trivial things.

A scone and a cup of tea and a chat always goes well.

I can fix taps, leaks, reticulation, prune, paint, pave, and concrete. I can do most things. My name has been spread around and I have been given more jobs. This is great for me as I can rest my brain and the physical side of me takes over.

I am improving in every way. I still have contact with various therapists. This is good and I know I’m just about managing without them, and I can cope on my own. I take my hat off to all the nurses, doctors, speech pathologists, physios, occupational therapists, head injury unit, family and friends that helped me get back on my feet again. I was extremely fortunate to have a R.W.N (Read Write Now) teacher who enabled me to connect my thoughts, feelings, and facts into words because without these words there’s no story. Thank you.

Because of all those people I am no longer a stroke victim but a stroke survivor.

Telling this stroke story has been exceedingly difficult and confronting. By re-living it all, I have come to terms with it. I have since been told that telling the story is a kind of therapy called Narrative Therapy. It has certainly worked as it has helped me heal in so many ways.

These words are stuck in my brain, and this is my advice.

If you’re going through hell just keep going.

(me Ray Bekeris)

While I was drafting this story, these words came to me and now, I have the acronym HOPE-Helping Other People Endure.

I know nobody can go through this alone.

At the end of the day, I believe God looked after me. I believe God doesn’t go round situations, but he sometimes takes us through them. Endurance produces character and character produces hope.